literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
