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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw

  (281): View more from Texas

  I love Texas.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...

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• (707): View more from California

  I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  It's still 8am.

  (1-337): View more from Louisiana

  Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.

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• (415): View more from California

  Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.

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• (347): View more from New York

  No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.

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