Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
