He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
