I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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