Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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