did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
