sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
