I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He kissed a someone with a penis
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
