do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
