Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
