So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
