you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
