he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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