so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
