I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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