we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
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