"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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