My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
