I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
