Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
