the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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