First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
