i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
