dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
