Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
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Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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