Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
