I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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