you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
sex in a hospital.. check
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
false alarm, still single
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
