Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
