Who did Billy Mays play for?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
