just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
