I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
