is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
