NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
