Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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