So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
