The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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