I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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