but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
