There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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