Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
its liver damage thursday
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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