My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
