i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
