How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
