I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's just like the Real World with babies
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
