Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Be still, my beating vagina.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
