My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
