i think my tv is drunk
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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