the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
