what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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