they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
