i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
