Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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