Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
