Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
