i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
