I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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