I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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