piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
