Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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