I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
