Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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