I'm gonna have a badass scar
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize