You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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