WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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