I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
