I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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