You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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