Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
