Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
